What Have I Been Doing? Progress Report, Part Two!

     

Be a Tulip!
These little flowers push through the worst circumstances

 

Don't forget to read Part One! Link Below!

Part One!

January 1st 2019

I started out the new year at 147.4

    Found a book on Intuitive Eating. To help me try and figure out why I binge. I didn't follow any specific diet plan. My plan was making healthier choices. With some ice cream and potato chips thrown in. I simply cannot follow strict diets or milkshake plans. I always fail at them and end up gaining any weight lost back. Then feeling even more miserable. My plan is to get to the root of what causes my abuse of food and get it out of my life. 

     I am not a doctor or a dietitian. I cannot tell you what to eat. My experiences are solely mine. If you have special health needs. Then you must follow the directions of your trained health team.

   Just when you choose a book. Read it with a grain of salt. Even if it is written by a doctor. Especially when it is written by a doctor. No matter the author. Read it with a grain of salt.

February 1st

Plot twist..........

     I get a letter from the radiology department. The routine test that appeared fine, wasn't fine. Something has appeared on the film. Follow up imaging is required. What are these people talking about? They have obviously sent me the wrong letter. My test was fine.

    Calling the doctors office, I was told that test was fine! The nurse tells me. We never said it was fine. We never got the images. We couldn't have told you anything. You need to call radiology and have them fax it to us. (The nurse wasn't rude, she was just very matter of fact. Someone who knew what they were about)

   So then calling radiology and asking them to fax the images to my doctors office. Shortly after that the doctors office calls me. The nurse who was very matter of fact and knew what she was about. Has softened her voice considerably. There is a discrepancy on the film. It is round and must be looked into. 

   Radiology appointment made for one week later.

During the Week

    I am half agony and half hope. Waiting to find out if this round thing that has invaded my body is cancer? Feeling as if my life is in suspended animation. Can't concentrate, but no trouble eating.

  

   So worried and so many fears. My worst fear is losing my hair. One cannot donate their hair to Wigs for Kids, when they have none. If my hair isn't lost. Would Wigs for Kids want hair that had gone through chemotherapy? Probably not. Besides, I like my hair. Is it vain to admit that one likes their hair? Sorry not sorry, I like my hair.

Wigs for Kids! Blog Part One!
Wigs for Kids! Blog Part Two!


    The two things I recommend in times of great trial.
1. Faith in God and Jesus
2. Great friends that you can confide in. Who will remain positive. At this time you don't need anyone with an Eeyore complex.

    Times of great faith and peace. Along with times of fear and anxiety. What is going to happen? Why didn't I make my appointment sooner. I don't want to go to my appointment. A myriad of feelings.

Favorite songs in times of trouble;

Even When it Hurts by Hillsongs

Now this song does have the word Hell in it, but that is exactly how I felt sometimes. It hurt like Hell.

Even if by Mercy Me

Oh My Soul by Casting Crowns

February 8th

    My appointment is for 10:15 AM. I cannot wear deodorant and that is really distressing. Perfume and smelling nice, are part of my fashion accessories

   I have two imaging tests to really see this thing that is invading my body. The lab is running behind. Do I feel nervous? No! suddenly the Peace that passes all understanding washes over me at around 10:20 

And the Peace of God which transcends all understanding. Will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

Phillipians 4:7 

     It felt just like a beam of sunlight hit the top of my head and warmed me on a cold spring day. Or like a warm shower on a cold day. Just a wonderful and calming feeling.

     So I go through the tests and they are read right away. If it is cancer they need to follow up and get you into treatment right away. It is a cyst and I will need follow up imaging.

My new favorite t-shirt!

One Week Later

     Get a letter from the Radiology department. Filled with trepidation. (shouldn't be, should have faith, but it was still there)

A cyst, probably not cancer, need a follow up in six months.

    I did have a set back. Had a moment where my eating got out of control. (Work in Progress! party of one) Instead of beating myself up. Forgiving myself and moving on. This will be fixed in about two weeks. Good news coming very soon!

End of February

    This isn't the good news that was hoping to type. Can I be honest for a minute? Can I be honest for a few paragraphs? While my health is fine. I am going through a season and it isn't a good season. It is painful. I am being sifted like wheat.

    Wheat is thrashed and sifted for a reason. It is to remove the edible wheat from the chaff. The wheat must be refined to be useful. I am sure there are many other steps, but thank you to the farmers that turn wheat into bread.

   That is where I am right now. In the process of being refined and made useful! This painful process will end in a purpose!

My favorite song during this time; I Will Sing by Kari Jobe

I put comforting Bible Verses on my bathroom mirror
and
Expect Miracles!

     Had a setback this week. Had a setback last week. A work in progress. Looking forward to the day that setbacks are few and far between. I was sick all night from my binge. Sick well into the next day. If I drank, I guess this is what a hangover would feel like?

The Dowager and Lady Cora
(In the Pineapples)

Edith

Mary and Edith

My Air Plants and yes I did name them after Downton Abbey characters!

March

      It is my birthday! I am 29 and holding. That is my story and I am sticking to it. 

Coconut Cake! Yummy!

      I got a Fitbit for my birthday. I love it! Now finding reasons to exercise and get my steps in. Going into competition with myself.
     
       I am so thoroughly over winter. So. Thoroughly. Over. It! It is so hateful cold. I am over the season as well as this spiritual season. Between My health scare. A family members health problems and now Mandie is sick. I am just, So. Thoroughly. Over. It!  It is freezing cold and I wonder, where is spring? I am so thoroughly over it, but it isn't thoroughly over me.

Mandie
She is fourteen and I get worried when she gets sick.
I mean is it her "time"
I know she is an old girl, but I don't want her to leave me yet!

     Mandie is feeling much better today. She finally ate some boiled chicken and rice.

     Mandie was doing alright. Then she took a turn for the worse. 
For a while it would seem like she was getting better. Then she would be right back to the beginning. 

   We made the hard decision. She breathed her last at 1pm on March 8th. She is no longer in pain or suffering. Now I am in pain suffering and simply gutted. So heartbroken. She was my best friend and companion for fourteen years.

This was the last picture I took of
Mandie. I didn't know that in twelve
hours I would be feeling her little heart
beat for the last time.

Heartbroken!
I just stare at the empty space where she
slept
And her blanket

     






     Olivia is                                    grieving for Mandie as well.

No wonder Olivia is grieving
Mandie was her buddy

My favorite song during this time.

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey

I have finally gotten to 142 lbs. It isn't where I want to be, but it is two pounds better than usual. 

Six Weeks from now....
I want to have lost more weight and not spiraled back into the cycle of losing and gaining. 
I want to lose fat
Gain a bit of muscle.
Finishing the last five days of the workbook on Intuitive Eating.
Starting the new book on Intuitive Eating

Ugly Truth! Week Eight! Birthdays and Buffets!

          This week is my birthday! Not going to tell you exactly how old I am. That is a closely guarded secret. I will tell you what I am going to do. I am going to the Chinese Buffet and eating homemade coconut cake. My mom makes the most delicious, light and fluffy coconut cake. You only get one birthday per year and life is way to short not to celebrate!

136.2 This Week
137.3 Last Week

          Last week, I was a little lazy when it came to exercise. We have had beautiful spring like weather. Which has unfortunately stirred up my seasonal allergies. Which has made me a little loopy. So I only exercised three days last week. Friday was just a lazy day. Didn't feel like exercising so I didn't. This week I am recommitted to my program.

          Loving this spring weather. Even if it makes me suffer from allergies. If you know me at all. You know that I despise Winter. With every fiber of my being. Our Winters for the past several years have been nasty and hateful. It's about time that we have a mild and lovely Winter.

Any imagined progress is because
I am standing up a little straighter

          It's kind of embarrassing. When one of your family members walks in on you writing your blog. They look at your pictures and say Ugh! What on earth is that!?!? That has happened more than once. Here's to hot blog pictures. Even though that will take a while.

Ugh! My back!
Well it didn't get this way in eight weeks
It's not going to go away in eight weeks

 As always, ANY ads for diet products appearing on my page. Should NEVER be viewed as an endorsement. Unless it is Spark People or Weight Watchers.

**DISCLAIMER** The opinions on this blog are my own. This is my journey as I see it. I am neither a doctor nor a dietitian. If you plan to start your own journey. You should consult your medical professionals. **DISCLAIMER**

Ugly Truth! Week Six! I 💓 Valentines Day!

          This week we celebrate Valentine's Day! A lot of people hate this holiday. I personally love it. Even though I am not currently dating anyone. I have given up on dating, but that is a long story.

Valentine's Day is what you make it. It can either be a good day or a bad day it is up to you. 

          Don't forget that Valentine's Day ushers in Half Price Chocolate Candy Day. Plus February 15th is also. Bring out the Easter Candy Day. The official name of this day is, Bring out the Cadbury Cream Eggs Day

          

          

          If you aren't dating anyone. Then share some platonic love with some of your friends or family. That's what I am going to do. Make a special dinner and desert. Ladies, if he gets you a teddy bear from the local drug store and grocery store flowers. It's the thought that counts. Don't be a nasty about it and don't be jealous of what your friends got. It's the thought that counts. That is my two cents.

136.9 Week Five
138 Week Six

          There are many ways to measure health and fitness. Weight is only one of them. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Do I see progress?
Maybe just a little?
Wishful thinking?

These modern torture devices
Are a workout on their own

As Always any ad for any weight loss product appearing on my blog. Should never be considered an endorsement.

**DISCLAIMER** I am neither a doctor nor dietitian. Any opinions expressed in this blog are simply that. My opinions. Before starting any weight loss or exercise plan. You should consult your medical team **DISCLAIMER**

Motivation and New Goals!

     **Note** All my weight was lost using Points Plus. I have not and will not. Use Smart Points. **Note**

     **IMPORTANT NOTE** Exercise is wonderful, but before you start any program. CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR. This is my journey. Just make sure that you are healthy enough to exercise before you start any program.

    I have no motivation to exercise. I try to get involved in an exercise program and I just cannot stick to it. I am so jealous of those people that love exercise. Maybe they got my exercise loving genes? And I got their carbohydrate loving genes? On the subject of carbs, I love them and not giving them up, ever. I digress.

    So far with Spark People and Weight Watchers. I have lost 40 pounds. The first 20 with Spark People took a while, because I kept falling off the wagon. I could have saved myself a lot of disappointment. If I hadn't fallen off the wagon. The last 20 with Weight Watchers were all lost in 2014. Both are very good programs in their own right. And it [isn't] Spark Peoples fault that I kept falling off the wagon. Ok there is no use in beating myself up over what is in the past.

     I have started on a new path in my weight loss journey and that is maintenance. Those people that are in maintenance tell me that keeping the weight off is as hard as losing it. I can believe that. If you relax and stop tracking your food. Then it would be easy to start gaining it back. I know that I must track my food for the rest of my life. Whether through Spark or Weight Watchers. I need that feature to keep me accountable.

     So where is my motivation to exercise? I know, it is good for you. It can help prevent disease. It will help you feel better. A pound of muscle takes up a lot less room than a pound of fat. It is a misnomer that muscle weighs less than fat. What happens is fat is like a container of feathers. Muscle is like a piece of steel. You are going to need a lot of feathers to get to add up to a pound. A pound of steel would take up a lot less space. And that is what I want to do. I want to turn my feathers into steel. And yet that is still not enough motivation.

     I like to get prizes. When I was little. I liked earning the chance to pick out of the treasure box. I was always so proud of my little doo dad. I have fond memories of earning VBS bucks and getting to spend them at the little shop in the church basement. And that is how I am going motivate myself to exercise. The prize will be cheap but fabulous.

     My goal is to exercise, five days a week for thirty minutes a day. Every week that I do that. I will give myself a little inexpensive and yet totes fabu prize. And when I continue for six weeks. I get a bigger prize at the end. I have no idea what that will be.  The ultimate prize is a dress from a website called Mod Cloth. The way that fat collects around my tummy. Makes me a plus size at Mod Cloth. I want to be able to buy any of their dresses. And not be disappointed that I have to send it back. That might be a while from now. Maybe at twelve weeks or more. Or maybe six weeks, I hope, I hope.

    And for every six week period of exercise. I get one week of rest. And there are rules. To miss a day of exercise, I have to be sick enough to cancel a hair appointment. The salon I go to, I usually make my hair appointments at least two months in advance. Don't even ask about making a Saturday appointment. I have made those three or four months in advance. And to get another can be difficult. Which is why I don't like to cancel them.

    So I will do that. I will be back every week to share my progress. And the pictures of my cheap but fabulous prize. You don't have to spend a lot of money to be fabulous. 

I Wish that Love was like a Jane Austen Novel (but Only the End)

    I must confess, I am a huge fan of Jane Austen's writings. Even though we lived two centuries apart. The funny thing is that she was born in 1775 and I was born in 1975. Though the similarities end there. I really love her novels. I even love the movies that are made from her novels. Although I would never fancy myself a modern day Jane Austen. I would like to think that maybe she would like to read my blog. 

     The only movie I didn't like was a recent version of Mansefield Park. I am a purist when it comes to these things. That particular movie took too many liberties. It made Sir Thomas Bertram seem like a creepy uncle and his wife a cheap floosy. I stopped watching half way through the movie.

     Even though these days her novels are mild. I would be willing to bet that a woman daring to challenge the status quo would be considered scandalous. Back then marriage was more of a business proposition. If you were a poor girl. It was your hope to marry well. If you happened to fall in love in the process that was just icing on the cake. I think many a girl married a man that they could barely tolerate. If she didn't get married to somebody (anybody) and have sons. Then after her father died, she was at the mercy of her brothers and uncles.

     Right about now I can only guess what you are thinking? Perhaps you are thinking. You want life to be hard for poor single women? You want a woman to be forced into a marriage of convenience. So that she can produce an heir and have someone to take care of her? Oh no! That isn't what I mean at all.  A marriage to someone that you cannot respect or love would be a drudgery.

     What I would love to happen real life that always happens in these novels is this. The poor girl with no connections always ends up deliriously happy by the end of the book. Whether she marries the proud Mr. Darcy or the humble Mr. Ferars. It would be my hope that every woman would end up deliriously happy, with someone that loves them madly. That my friends would be fabulous.