What Have I Been Doing? Progress Report, Part Two!

     

Be a Tulip!
These little flowers push through the worst circumstances

 

Don't forget to read Part One! Link Below!

Part One!

January 1st 2019

I started out the new year at 147.4

    Found a book on Intuitive Eating. To help me try and figure out why I binge. I didn't follow any specific diet plan. My plan was making healthier choices. With some ice cream and potato chips thrown in. I simply cannot follow strict diets or milkshake plans. I always fail at them and end up gaining any weight lost back. Then feeling even more miserable. My plan is to get to the root of what causes my abuse of food and get it out of my life. 

     I am not a doctor or a dietitian. I cannot tell you what to eat. My experiences are solely mine. If you have special health needs. Then you must follow the directions of your trained health team.

   Just when you choose a book. Read it with a grain of salt. Even if it is written by a doctor. Especially when it is written by a doctor. No matter the author. Read it with a grain of salt.

February 1st

Plot twist..........

     I get a letter from the radiology department. The routine test that appeared fine, wasn't fine. Something has appeared on the film. Follow up imaging is required. What are these people talking about? They have obviously sent me the wrong letter. My test was fine.

    Calling the doctors office, I was told that test was fine! The nurse tells me. We never said it was fine. We never got the images. We couldn't have told you anything. You need to call radiology and have them fax it to us. (The nurse wasn't rude, she was just very matter of fact. Someone who knew what they were about)

   So then calling radiology and asking them to fax the images to my doctors office. Shortly after that the doctors office calls me. The nurse who was very matter of fact and knew what she was about. Has softened her voice considerably. There is a discrepancy on the film. It is round and must be looked into. 

   Radiology appointment made for one week later.

During the Week

    I am half agony and half hope. Waiting to find out if this round thing that has invaded my body is cancer? Feeling as if my life is in suspended animation. Can't concentrate, but no trouble eating.

  

   So worried and so many fears. My worst fear is losing my hair. One cannot donate their hair to Wigs for Kids, when they have none. If my hair isn't lost. Would Wigs for Kids want hair that had gone through chemotherapy? Probably not. Besides, I like my hair. Is it vain to admit that one likes their hair? Sorry not sorry, I like my hair.

Wigs for Kids! Blog Part One!
Wigs for Kids! Blog Part Two!


    The two things I recommend in times of great trial.
1. Faith in God and Jesus
2. Great friends that you can confide in. Who will remain positive. At this time you don't need anyone with an Eeyore complex.

    Times of great faith and peace. Along with times of fear and anxiety. What is going to happen? Why didn't I make my appointment sooner. I don't want to go to my appointment. A myriad of feelings.

Favorite songs in times of trouble;

Even When it Hurts by Hillsongs

Now this song does have the word Hell in it, but that is exactly how I felt sometimes. It hurt like Hell.

Even if by Mercy Me

Oh My Soul by Casting Crowns

February 8th

    My appointment is for 10:15 AM. I cannot wear deodorant and that is really distressing. Perfume and smelling nice, are part of my fashion accessories

   I have two imaging tests to really see this thing that is invading my body. The lab is running behind. Do I feel nervous? No! suddenly the Peace that passes all understanding washes over me at around 10:20 

And the Peace of God which transcends all understanding. Will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

Phillipians 4:7 

     It felt just like a beam of sunlight hit the top of my head and warmed me on a cold spring day. Or like a warm shower on a cold day. Just a wonderful and calming feeling.

     So I go through the tests and they are read right away. If it is cancer they need to follow up and get you into treatment right away. It is a cyst and I will need follow up imaging.

My new favorite t-shirt!

One Week Later

     Get a letter from the Radiology department. Filled with trepidation. (shouldn't be, should have faith, but it was still there)

A cyst, probably not cancer, need a follow up in six months.

    I did have a set back. Had a moment where my eating got out of control. (Work in Progress! party of one) Instead of beating myself up. Forgiving myself and moving on. This will be fixed in about two weeks. Good news coming very soon!

End of February

    This isn't the good news that was hoping to type. Can I be honest for a minute? Can I be honest for a few paragraphs? While my health is fine. I am going through a season and it isn't a good season. It is painful. I am being sifted like wheat.

    Wheat is thrashed and sifted for a reason. It is to remove the edible wheat from the chaff. The wheat must be refined to be useful. I am sure there are many other steps, but thank you to the farmers that turn wheat into bread.

   That is where I am right now. In the process of being refined and made useful! This painful process will end in a purpose!

My favorite song during this time; I Will Sing by Kari Jobe

I put comforting Bible Verses on my bathroom mirror
and
Expect Miracles!

     Had a setback this week. Had a setback last week. A work in progress. Looking forward to the day that setbacks are few and far between. I was sick all night from my binge. Sick well into the next day. If I drank, I guess this is what a hangover would feel like?

The Dowager and Lady Cora
(In the Pineapples)

Edith

Mary and Edith

My Air Plants and yes I did name them after Downton Abbey characters!

March

      It is my birthday! I am 29 and holding. That is my story and I am sticking to it. 

Coconut Cake! Yummy!

      I got a Fitbit for my birthday. I love it! Now finding reasons to exercise and get my steps in. Going into competition with myself.
     
       I am so thoroughly over winter. So. Thoroughly. Over. It! It is so hateful cold. I am over the season as well as this spiritual season. Between My health scare. A family members health problems and now Mandie is sick. I am just, So. Thoroughly. Over. It!  It is freezing cold and I wonder, where is spring? I am so thoroughly over it, but it isn't thoroughly over me.

Mandie
She is fourteen and I get worried when she gets sick.
I mean is it her "time"
I know she is an old girl, but I don't want her to leave me yet!

     Mandie is feeling much better today. She finally ate some boiled chicken and rice.

     Mandie was doing alright. Then she took a turn for the worse. 
For a while it would seem like she was getting better. Then she would be right back to the beginning. 

   We made the hard decision. She breathed her last at 1pm on March 8th. She is no longer in pain or suffering. Now I am in pain suffering and simply gutted. So heartbroken. She was my best friend and companion for fourteen years.

This was the last picture I took of
Mandie. I didn't know that in twelve
hours I would be feeling her little heart
beat for the last time.

Heartbroken!
I just stare at the empty space where she
slept
And her blanket

     






     Olivia is                                    grieving for Mandie as well.

No wonder Olivia is grieving
Mandie was her buddy

My favorite song during this time.

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey

I have finally gotten to 142 lbs. It isn't where I want to be, but it is two pounds better than usual. 

Six Weeks from now....
I want to have lost more weight and not spiraled back into the cycle of losing and gaining. 
I want to lose fat
Gain a bit of muscle.
Finishing the last five days of the workbook on Intuitive Eating.
Starting the new book on Intuitive Eating